Let’s start by saying this: I love my life! It’s complicated and weird and magical, a bit like me, which is fine. I’m the happiest mother ever, even when I’m not – because let’s be honest, I love my daughter, but heck if I don’t want to bring her back to the shop when she doesn’t let me sleep (which happens a lot, because she’s still quite young… oh, and the shop won’t take her back because she’s too tall now, she doesn’t fit in the box anymore!).
But finding time to write when your daughter requires your attention – because, after all, she’s definitely more interesting than my computer, especially when I’m browsing the Book of Faces in search of inspiration – or when your head burns after half a day managing paperwork for a renowned university (which pays my bills), or when you have to read and edit your cover designer’s stories (which pays for the covers), or manage your page/website/groups, or in fact most days, all of the above at the same time… It’s hard… Hard to find time, hard to make time, hard to remain focused on what matters the most and hard to prioritize… Hard to write.
You’ll find a lot of writers who manage it all, plus the daily home life (I’ve dropped that part long ago, no can do!), and in all fairness, kudos to them! They write when everyone’s asleep and thus sleep that much less, but still seem to work it with seemingly no effort! I’m a bit envious of them if I may be honest.
As someone who’s struggled with depression, I’ve learned to listen to my body, my mind and my soul, and if they don’t agree, I’m useless!!! And well, with all the stress pertaining to my daily life, topped by the weird situation we live in at the moment – which affects me more than I’d care to admit – most of the time, my mind is racing, my body aching and my soul crying…
Except when I write! Suddenly, all falls into place, it’s like magic! I tried to only do that, and it worked for a while. That’s when I understood it was my calling and what I needed to do with my life. Except, well, reality struck, didn’t it?
With bills to pay, a child to raise and other people needing me as much as I need them, I had to find another way to foster to the harmony I crave. It’s hard, and I don’t write as often as I’d like to, but I discovered something that helps me immensely: I get into sets and anthologies so I have a proper deadline to fuel me. Then, it’s all about organizing myself to meet it, and if I can’t write for a while because I have other things to do first, I make sure that in the end, I put all the efforts to write an awesome story for my readers – and myself ^_^
I’m a writer, and a mother, and somewhere, I’m also woman. That part has been left behind for a while now, but it’s emerging again lately, finally. And somehow, writing helps me make peace with my femininity, with my womanliness, beyond motherhood and wifehood. It seeps into my writing and dances through the lines to jump back at me when I edit, and it feels good! I write strong female characters, and strong male characters who have that in common that they’re not afraid to be both, to be complimentary, not dualistic, and to explore what their masculinity and femininity can bring them.
Gos, to be rambling about it all makes me want to write more! So off I go, and thank you for reading me!